Wednesday, May 26, 2010

A little down and out

This week we've had a touch of infection at our house. My stomach wouldn't settle yesterday. So I ignored the fact and went on making princess crowns and changing diapers, avoiding food smells. All day long all I wanted was Diet Sprite, I am just now enjoying chilled sips of it. So, when Aaron stumbled in the door at 9:00 last night I declared that I would be sick until I went to bed and he was in charge. Of course, they all were down, except Jack who Aaron quickly bundled and Paul Simon lulled him to sleep. Mr. Simon, you were right, it had been a "long, long day."

After quick inquiries about our day apart, I feel asleep only to be awoken by a wheezy girl. Who, hours ago was perfectly content to hang her crown on her headboard and snuggle down with pink blanky. Aaron took charge, those student loans were worth it, and sat with her outside until the croupy cough ended, oxygen flowing freely in and out. He then rushed to grab her meds. I sat with her blond curls tickling my chin. All I could think was of how she was planning a bike race tomorrow with her bff next door and they would wear their crowns she'd constructed. She probably was planning on a banana Popsicle or two as well. Now she would be tired and a bit out of sorts.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Best Part about Running

Among many, many things.....
Coming home to these two wanting my tunes from my mp3, beeps from my watch, sips of my water, turns with my sunglasses and gulps of gatorade. Nonetheless, both draw the line at sweaty kisses. They learn that from their father.

He might hinder my athletic efforts more than help but, those cheeks are worth it.

Friday, May 14, 2010

And He is Still Here....

At first, I was o.k. with it. A new born baby needs to be close to his parents. Your small cries could not carry down the hall to my ears. Also, needing to eat lots, made it necessary for you to stay at the foot of our bed. It was given, not to mention giving you a full wardrobe change at 12:30 a.m. and then again at three. It was enough to muster the strength to walk five steps but to actually enter another room? Unthinkable. Then it came. Your reflux kept me up. Not you, me. I would listen toyou gurgle and sigh, totally ignorant to the fact that I was counting your breaths a nd gags and creeping to the edge of the bed to make sure all was fine. Then I was ready. Get that basement complete, move that baby in his own room for both of our sanity. For all (Aaron too) of our sanity. Yet, four months later and we are still waiting.You still sleep in a portable crib at our feet. At least you do sleep, most of the time.

Yet, I watched you last night as you feel asleep effortlessly, in your peanut swaddle. I looked at that still body, which in a wakeful state is never still any more. Oh, it is good you are still here in my room. With all that goes on with the others: dressing dolls, doing hair, doing homework,laying down the law and practicing Krypto. I need a retreat I share with you. So I can glance at that even countenance as I ready myself for bed. So when I wake, I can glance at you usually peacefully sleeping. So I can play Sting and Eric Clappton lullabies for you.

Not to say, I won't rejoice once you move, but I will cherish the thought that we had that time where I was forced to keep you close to me.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I've got skills

Today I found myself nursing Jack, eating wheat Chex with strawberries, and reading scriptures. Don't worry, I stopped eating to read aloud. Then Harris asked me to pour milk on his cereal out of a gallon filled to the brim. That might be a bit of a stretch....

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


We sat after a drizzly day had finished up. We discussed some missing work, and a suitable punishment. You, head to your knees a little mad: mad at me, mad at your teacher, mad at all those worldly forces that make it hard to be ten. I bring back that memory of when you were born. How they laid you in my arms and I calmed you. That was our moment, our start. At times you've done the same for me as concern enters those azure eyes, you find ways to assure me that life is o.k. Once you feel asleep on me at four years old, worn out from the first long day of spring play. As I looked at your sandy head and dirty toes, I inhaled all you had to give me: stillness, steadiness, sweetness. I knew why I was chosen to be your mom. I need you. So you must understand that is hard, almost an out of body experience, for me to have to scold you, to ruin your days full of boyhood fun. Yet, I must. I must help mold, shape, rear you, much as you do for me, oldest child. Let' s just say I have to insure that all of that goodness stays surfaced. I know I make mistakes, even trying to make sure you don't feel like our test child. So can you do me a small favor? As you figure out how your choices affect you, realize that I always see that four year old boy when I correct you.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Three Things on a Tuesday

1. I am grateful for Aaron. I am a spoiled brat and he knows it. Yet, in that he finds ways to humble me by loving me. He sits with fussy Jack on his lap during ALL meal times he is home. He deals with or ten going on fourteen year old in great humor. He gives Anna all the Daddy attention she needs. In all that he finds ways to make sure he still shows is affinity for me. He loves me mind, body and soul. Certain I am of that.
2. The way to peel the prickles of a tough ten year old boy is to give him a baby. Everyone needs a brother, even if he is ten years your junior. Also, don't let him drive you around in a go cart. Just don't.

3. With all the ebbs and flows and right out spikes in in my life, I am grateful it is mine and that my daughter, even though it is a bit concerning, sits her entire dance class on my lap tapping her toes. She may never do that again, but its o.k. right now. It really is.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

A mother's day wish

My Knee Hurts. My baby has screamed all morning. Anna spilled water and I sat in it, only able to change my pants because of inconsolable Jack. Then I watched this

I hope you mother's can find some solace in it too.