twenty-ten?

We sat after a drizzly day had finished up. We discussed some missing work, and a suitable punishment. You, head to your knees a little mad: mad at me, mad at your teacher, mad at all those worldly forces that make it hard to be ten. I bring back that memory of when you were born. How they laid you in my arms and I calmed you. That was our moment, our start. At times you've done the same for me as concern enters those azure eyes, you find ways to assure me that life is o.k. Once you feel asleep on me at four years old, worn out from the first long day of spring play. As I looked at your sandy head and dirty toes, I inhaled all you had to give me: stillness, steadiness, sweetness. I knew why I was chosen to be your mom. I need you. So you must understand that is hard, almost an out of body experience, for me to have to scold you, to ruin your days full of boyhood fun. Yet, I must. I must help mold, shape, rear you, much as you do for me, oldest child. Let' s just say I have to insure that all of that goodness stays surfaced. I know I make mistakes, even trying to make sure you don't feel like our test child. So can you do me a small favor? As you figure out how your choices affect you, realize that I always see that four year old boy when I correct you.

Three Things on a Tuesday

1. I am grateful for Aaron. I am a spoiled brat and he knows it. Yet, in that he finds ways to humble me by loving me. He sits with fussy Jack on his lap during ALL meal times he is home. He deals with or ten going on fourteen year old in great humor. He gives Anna all the Daddy attention she needs. In all that he finds ways to make sure he still shows is affinity for me. He loves me mind, body and soul. Certain I am of that.

2. The way to peel the prickles of a tough ten year old boy is to give him a baby. Everyone needs a brother, even if he is ten years your junior. Also, don't let him drive you around in a go cart. Just don't.

3. With all the ebbs and flows and right out spikes in in my life, I am grateful it is mine and that my daughter, even though it is a bit concerning, sits her entire dance class on my lap tapping her toes. She may never do that again, but its o.k. right now. It really is.

A mother's day wish

My Knee Hurts. My baby has screamed all morning. Anna spilled water and I sat in it, only able to change my pants because of inconsolable Jack. Then I watched this

I hope you mother's can find some solace in it too.

Time going Slowly

How time flies! Hours, days, weeks, months seem to fly by with jet engines. There is nothing I can seem to do to slow them. Mostly I just sit back and enjoy my full life. My overflowing basket of life. I decided that if updating my blog was going to seem like a nuisance, I wasn't going to do it. Some things that are good for you do hurt, I am aware of that daily. Yet, I try to remedy those instances trying to slow my days by being there in the moment. I mean, it has been a long time since I sat down for a full day with at least two children at a time, doing what they want to do. Yesterday, I baked cookies, calmed a baby, colored paper dolls, had long jump contests, calmed a baby, walked home from church at a snail's pace, danced to show tunes, calmed a baby, and played a innovative game using the mancala board that I am still not sure of the rules. As I pulled the covers over me and looked at Aaron, exhausted and full, I had no regrets. Right now I am living what only existed in my head four years ago: busy with my children's busy lives and never-ending developments. Walking home with Anna, I realized that she would be ten before I knew it. She would want to make her own ramen noodles and organize a neighborhood football league. Maybe not the football league, although she is one durable chick. I've found myself asking where is my old life, and cursing myself for wasted moments. A nap? What's that? Yet the more I try to combat my life, mold my daily war zone, I realize that it is better just to melt with it. So If my blogs are sparse, that is why, I am melting into my and molding my young, hoping the days slowly pour by. Yet a few thoughts from that past while,

When your son casts out, catches, and reels in a twenty-one incher, you only remember his dad holding a fish nearly as big beside him at one and they seemed to be in the same growth curve. What he can handle now.
I realized Anna is grooving along with the conservative movement. She holds Tea Parties daily at our home. Want to join? Just be warned her radical protest are why she can't use real water and sugar than moving back to constitutional legislation. How I love my baby, How I love my Jack! He now reaches for me. Of course, I oblige always to his first attempts of intellectual conversation.

And We have it...maybe a bit premature

For four nights now little Jack has slept through the night. Oh the joys of uninterrupted sleep. I feel like praising him, putting chocolate in his milk, Anna's convinced if I drink chocolate milk Jack will get to enjoy the pleasures of our shared favorite beverage. This is what I plan to do with all my extra energy:

1. Actually really start training for Ragnar...none of this lack of sleep excuses. 5, 5, 9 twelve hours a part? I better get crackin'.

2. Maybe clean my house, just maybe.

3. Finish all that basement painting and paint Harris' old room in Jack colors: slate blue and mossy brown: infantile masculinity. Did I just make that up.

4. Try to revive my funny bone and get rid of this writer's cramp thing. There is too much going on to be injured in any form.

5. Yoga. See number one and four.

Love this kid. Oh, have I said that already?

So is it really March?

So as we leave the short in days but long in grayness month and enter the manic month of March, I am aghast that it has been three months since I had Jack. I love this boy,Aas so posted again and again. Our house sometimes may look like it rains toys daily in our living room and I sprinkle an extra helping of dust around. I must blame this on the construction zone that used to skillfully conceal the games which Anna would play that are only recognizable as orderly to herself. Yet if dust and toys is what I have to put up with, so what.

Because every day Anna asks if Jack is ours. Yea, he definitely is.

Patch Anna is almost no more. Finally after surgery and almost a year of patching she is using both her eyes equally. I felt like shouting a rip roaring holler when the doctor told us. Anna literaly hollered when I told her the latter. She is one awesome patient, all the staff remember her by name when she comes in. I know they have charts, but in her case of cuteness, they are just a mere formality.

Less than a year of cubs left, so sad. Maybe it is because I don't have another directly following but, I have enjoyed it. The corny jokes and all the rambunctious doings of real boys. Eight more years and we will be there again. Harris and his friend made this for the Blue and Gold. I thought I'd have to do it all, but the creativity that these two showed made it definitely an afternoon to remember.

With three comes imagination. It has been fun to see where Harris played superheros and cowboys be replaced by tea parties and little mommy by Anna. Every mommy needs one little girl. I'm glad I have mine.

So march on March, I won't delay you. I can't wait to see if you go out like a lion or a lamb and what each day in between holds. Hopefully runs outdoors with my two of my tots in toe. Park outings and feedings ducks filling up our mornings. Also I want to see Harris perfect that ripstick that has spent so many days in our garage. More Blogging, you ask? I'll see where it fits in.

Baby Love

I love this kid. You know the day you worry because you love the kids you already have infinitely? How could equal Harris's loyalty and sweetness at the right moments. Who could be Anna? Her femininity gushing from head to toe even when she doesn't want it to? I couldn't ask for more, could I even expect more. Then there is Jack. His smiles come easily now. We understand each other. He might be fussy and have more particular tastes, but he has multiplied my love. There was I time I doubted being this fortunate, I didn't understand the meaning. I didn't understand that when they come your love grows because you are constantly doing those tedious tasks of changing diapers and figuring what exactly is need to make them content. It is not what they do it is what you do. Yet....

this doesn't hinder anything. He is almost three months and thirteen pounds,twenty four inches long. If I don't blog often it is only because I am lost in his blue eyed gaze. One that reminds me of the one I began to cherish ten years ago that started it all and made me wonder if love really could be greater than that. Yes, it can...three times greater.